


there ain't nothing that i need

by heathenboy



Series: Home [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: 1930s, Coming Out, Idiots in Love, Jealous Steve Rogers, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 20:07:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19034746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heathenboy/pseuds/heathenboy
Summary: Steve gets jealous when Bucky wants to spend his birthday out dancing and they both use it as an excuse to avoid their feelings for each other.“I just thought, ya know. We usually hang out together is all,” Steve stumbled over his words, already embarrassed that he’d said anything at all.Bucky looked back at him, surprised. “Well, of course I want you to go, too,” which only earned him a groan in response.“Aw, come on Buck, you know how I am about dancing,” Steve protested.





	there ain't nothing that i need

**Author's Note:**

> The second installment in a series of drabbles throughout Steve and Bucky's life together based on the song Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros  
> The idea of the box of chocolates was based off of Black Magic chocolate, which was marketed as a gift for your significant other, but as far as I know it was only available in the UK, so I kept it generic.
> 
>  
> 
> _Man, oh man, you're my best friend_  
>  _I scream it to the nothingness_  
>  _There ain't nothing that I need_
> 
>   _Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie_  
>  _Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ_  
>  _Ain't nothing please me more than you_

**1934**

There was a quick rap on the door before it swung open and in stepped Bucky Barnes. Bucky knew Sarah Rogers would have been at work, so he often had no problem barging into the Rogers’ home as if it were his own. Not that Sarah would have minded if she were there, but his ma did teach him a little courtesy. 

“Steve!” he called out, shutting the door behind him and shaking off his coat to hang up by the door. 

Steve poked his head around the kitchen doorway looking surprised. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were going down to the Y?” Bucky usually went down to the YMCA Saturday mornings to get in some boxing practice. They had planned to get together later that afternoon, but here was Bucky, hours early.

“Nah, I told Billy I’d just catch him next time. It is my birthday after all, thought I’d spend a little extra time with my best guy.” His face broke into his signature wide, crooked grin. “What, not happy to see me?” He sauntered over to where Steve was still hiding out by the doorway.

“No, I just...you surprised me is all. Wasn’t expecting you until later.” He was never very good at hiding things from Bucky, no matter how small. Especially not with the way Bucky was looking at him. 

“You seem twitchy, Rogers. You hiding something from me?” Bucky teased

Steve sighed, “Okay fine. I wasn’t gonna give it to you now, but…” Steve trailed off as he went to retrieve something from the bedroom.

“Aw, Stevie, I told you not to get me anything.” Bucky protested. He knew things were tight for the Rogers household and had insisted Steve not buy him a gift. He always hoped Steve would just draw him a pretty picture and leave it at that, but that never was the case with his stubborn friend.

Steve returned and held out a small box. It was wrapped in brown packing paper and he had covered every inch with small pictures and doodles. “You always say you want a picture.” He shrugged.

Bucky sighed and smiled fondly. “I can’t tell you anything, can I?” He unwrapped the box delicately, careful not to ruin any of the work Steve had done. “Steve!” he exclaimed once he finally removed the wrapping and saw the box of chocolate.

Shrugging, Steve replied, “It’s nothing. I got a few commissions recently, so I had the money to spend.” He had been anxious about the gift, worried about how Bucky might feel about the implications of receiving a box of fancy chocolates from his buddy. When Steve had bought the candy, the woman working the counter had smiled knowingly and said, “Oh my, this must be one lucky lady!”. Steve figured his face had turned ten shades of red before he mumbled, “Yes ma’am” and ran for the door in fear of somehow giving himself away. 

“Thank you, Stevie. You really didn’t have to, though.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.” Steve could feel his face warming once again. He nudged Bucky’s arm. “So come on, are we going to the pictures or what?” 

***

When the boys had arrived at the movie theatre Steve had clumsily searched his pockets trying to find his wallet to get their tickets. Unfortunately for him Bucky was faster, and before Steve could blink, he was telling the young man in the window, “Two please”. 

Steve huffed grumpily, “Buck, it’s your birthday, I was supposed to buy!” To which Bucky had simply responded, “You can get the popcorn then,” and they made their way inside. 

After the movie they had strolled around town aimlessly, window shopping for things they couldn’t afford and simply enjoying one another's company as usual.

“What’s the rest of the plan, birthday boy?” Steve asked, grinning over at his friend.

Bucky stared down at his shoes as they walked, kicking a small pebble ahead of him. “I ran into Betty McBride this morning and she told me she was going to be at the dancehall tonight. She said I should stop by so I figured I might.”

“Oh,” Steve replied, his face dropping. They had always spent their birthdays together, the day usually ending in a sleepover at one of their homes, but Steve couldn’t necessarily say he was surprised. They were getting older and Bucky had already been dating girls for a while. He was seventeen now, of course he’d rather hang out with pretty girls than gangly Steve Rogers all the time. 

“I just thought, ya know. We usually hang out together is all,” Steve stumbled over his words, already embarrassed that he’d said anything at all. 

Bucky looked back at him, surprised. “Well, of course I want you to go, too,” which only earned him a groan in response.

“Aw, come on Buck, you know how I am about dancing,” Steve protested.

“You do fine when we’re practicing!” Bucky exclaimed and before Steve could stop himself, he was shouting back, “That’s because it’s with you!”

Bucky stopped in his tracks, surprised by the sudden outburst, while Steve tried to recover. “I just-I mean-” he stumbled over his words, “It’s just different dancing with girls. They don’t like dancing with guys like me.” He glanced away, embarrassed. 

“Come on, Stevie, Betty’s got this cousin-” 

“Bucky!” Steve cut him off. “You go. It’s your birthday, you should get to do what you want. You go have fun with Betty McBride, it’s fine.” He was trying not to sound too put out but was failing miserably. Occasionally when Bucky asked Steve to go dancing he gave up and opted to hang out with Steve instead, dancing and girls excluded. More often than not though Steve was the one who relented, but for some reason he was determined to stand his ground this time. 

He did feel a bit bad though. He knew Betty’s cousin, Anna, and she was a lovely girl, one of the few that actually acknowledged Steve, and she had always been nice to him. He just wasn’t particularly interested in pretending to be interested tonight. 

As they had gotten older, naturally Bucky had started spending more and more time with girls over Steve, particularly in the last year or so. Bucky had always been good looking, but since he’d taken up boxing he’d filled out a bit. He had started to look less like a kid and more like a man, which the girls all seemed to like. Unfortunately for himself, so did Steve. So maybe Steve was being a bit selfish, but birthdays were always his and Bucky’s time, not Bucky and whatever flavor of the week he was chasing.

Bucky had looked surprised by Steve’s adamant rejection. “But we always spend today together.”

“Then why are you going?” Steve huffed in response.

Bucky bristled. “Then why won’t you go?” he countered with a bit more force than he intended, which was an instant mistake as Steve had fought over much less before and he now appeared visibly agitated.

“Because I’m tired of being your wingman all the time!” He shouted back. “Why do you even want me to go? To make you look better?”

The argument had now taken a turn Bucky hadn’t expected. “What the hell are you talking about?” he asked.

“Oh please, Bucky, don’t act like you don’t know. These girls look at you and see a big strong fella who’s kind enough to take care of his ailing friend, ‘Poor little Steve Rogers, how sweet Bucky is to be his friend when no one else will’. You look like the knight in shining armor, and they don’t even give me a second glance. When they do it’s ‘cause they’re waiting on me to get the hint to get lost.” He didn’t want to look at Bucky’s face for fear of his reaction.

Bucky could hardly believe what Steve was telling him. “Is that really what you think? That I just keep you around for what? Pity? You can’t honestly believe that!” 

“Well why else would you? You’re so popular and handsome, what’s a guy like you doing hanging with a guy like me?” Steve rarely let himself get so self-loathing, but the older he got the harder it had been to deny his more-than-friendly feelings towards Bucky. It was also getting harder and harder to watch his friend going out and dancing with all these beautiful girls while Steve had to sit on the sidelines and watch, but of course Steve couldn’t let him know that.

“Because you’re my best friend, idiot!” Bucky sighed, exasperated. “You always have been and always will be, Stevie. No girls could come between us, you oughta know that. It’s you and me ‘til the end of the line, pal.”

Steve finally met Bucky’s eyes, seeing the warmth and honesty there and knowing Bucky could never lie to him about something like that. 

“Look, you go dance with Betty, have a good time.”

“Aw, Steve-” 

“Seriously, Buck. I’m fine. My ma’s working a split shift tonight, I want to get something ready for dinner for her. You can just come by after like usual, okay?”

Sighing, Bucky relented. “Okay.”

Steve smiled softly. “Don’t be too late.”

“Sure thing, ma,” Bucky called out as Steve turned to walk home alone, waiting until he turned the corner out of the alley onto the main street.

Truth be told, Bucky didn’t even care about going dancing that much. As bad as the thought made him feel, he felt he needed a little bit himself without Steve. Or at least that he needed to spend some time with someone like Betty to get his mind off Steve.

He had been noticing his feeling towards Steve growing and was trying his hardest to ignore them, which was why he’d been spending so much time with girls. When he was younger, he chased the girls around like all the boys did because that’s just what boys do. Except for Steve of course. 

No, Steve had to defend the girls getting bothered by the too mean boys. Steve had to sit across the room and draw portraits of Bucky. Steve just had to have the pretty blue eyes and lips that could rival those of any girl in all the boroughs and it had been driving Bucky crazy.

Today had been the most time they’d spent alone in a while. Between school, Bucky’s boxing, and them both working part time jobs they’d had less free time to spend together. So, when Steve started out the day with not only a thoughtful gift, but a gift made for your sweetheart, Bucky had felt his heartstrings pulling especially hard. He hadn’t even had time to properly admire the drawings Steve had done on the wrapping paper yet!

Bucky Barnes wasn’t quite ready to try and deal with his feelings towards his best friend just yet. And it wasn’t that he was even worried about the fact that he likes another boy, it was more the fact that Steve had been his best friend for so long he was worried he’d screw everything up. So, he’d decided he was just going to keep his feelings to himself and eventually they’d subside, he’d end up with a nice girl like he was supposed to, and he and Steve would be best friends forever. Except that was all proving to be a lot more difficult than Bucky had previously thought.

***

When Steve got home he noticed Bucky’s gift still sitting on the kitchen counter like a cruel reminder of his behavior mere minutes ago. He could have smacked himself thinking back on how pathetic he must have sounded to Bucky. Even though they seemed to have settled things Steve still felt nervous about his friend’s eventual return later that evening. 

He tried focusing on making dinner--boiled cabbage and potatoes again--and cleaning up the house before his mother returned from work. It wasn’t too long before Steve heard the door open. “Hey ma, in here!” He called out from the kitchen. 

Sarah entered the kitchen and placed a kiss on her son’s head. “Smells good!” She chimed. “Let me change and we can eat.” She always liked to change out of her nurses’ uniform as soon as she got home to try and curb any illness Steve could catch.

By the time Sarah returned, Steve had already set the table. “Where’s Bucky?” She asked as they took their seats.

“Oh, uh, he went to dance with Betty McBride.” He tried sounding nonchalant but knew his mother could hear the disdain in his voice. 

“You didn’t want to go?” She asked.

Steve shrugged. “Not really.” He could feel his mother’s eyes on him. 

“Since you’ve known each other you always planned your birthdays together. That doesn’t seem like him, to change plans for a girl like that.”

Steve scoffed, “Yeah, I guess.”

Sarah put down her fork and looked at her son intently. “Did something happen between you and Bucky?”

Steve tried to avoid her gaze. He and his mother had always been close, and he told her everything, except he couldn’t exactly tell her the real reason he had been so upset with Bucky. “We just argued about going dancing is all. It was just something stupid and we worked it out. I told him to go without me, and he’s still coming over later.”

“Is that really the whole story?” 

He squirmed in his seat. “He told me about going dancing and I got mad and yelled at him. He was trying to get me to go with him, but I didn’t want to because I’m tired of going and watching him dance with all these pretty girls while I’m sitting on the side like a bump on a log,” he explained in one long breath.

Sarah sat for a moment, thinking on what Steve had told her. “So, you’re jealous?” she asked. Steve shrugged in response. She continued, “Jealous of Bucky or of the girls?”

He froze in his seat. She knew, of course she knew. He was an idiot for even bringing it up, but he could never lie to his mother. He could feel the tears beginning to sting his eyes

“Steven?” she asked softly, waiting for him to look up at her. Steve finally lifted his eyes to his mother’s and saw her looking back at him with sympathy on her face. Once she saw the tears in his eyes she pulled him into her arms. 

Steve sniffled, now crying into her shoulder. “I’m sorry, mom. I’m sorry.”

She patted his back gently before pulling away. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m your mother, Steve, and I will always love you, no matter what.” He simply nodded in response, wiping at his face. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” Her face quickly turned stern. “Or see you get into trouble. Bad things can happen to boys like you.”

“I know, I know,” he replied weakly. 

“Does he know?” Sarah asked him, and Steve shook his head.

“If he does, he doesn’t let on. I don’t even know how I would tell him. Besides, I think he’s just a first crush. I’ll probably get over it. He’s just always been so good to me.” He didn’t see the questionably look his mother gave him. “Enough of my problems, you need to eat, you’ve got work again in an hour!” 

Sarah smiled fondly at him and they went back to their dinner.

***

Sarah and Steve’s apartment had only one bedroom, which meant that one of them slept in the living room. Steve had tried to get his mother to take the bedroom, but she insisted and teenage boy deserved his own room, plus the bedroom was much easier to keep warm in the winter. 

So now Steve was sitting at his small drawing table that his mother had gotten him for Christmas one year, bedroom door open so he could hear the record playing from the living room. He then heard a call of “Steve?” from the other room and after a moment Bucky’s head peeked around the door frame. 

Steve motioned for Bucky to come in as he went back to his drawing, an ad for a fruit stand down the block. “You weren’t gone long.”

“Yeah, well, Betty’s not quite as good a dancer as she makes herself out to be. And a bit of a dud to talk to if you ask me.” Bucky replied with a sly smile then softly added, “Not as much fun without my best guy there.” 

Steve set his pencil down and got up to face his friend. “Look, Buck, about earlier-” 

“Forget it. I shouldn’t have brought it up again, I’m sorry,” Bucky interrupted, looking a bit sheepish at his attempt to make a joke of the situation, but Steve continued.

“No, I was being dumb and selfish. It’s your day and we should have done what you wanted, but I just didn’t want to get my feelings hurt. I was jealous and feeling sorry for myself, and that wasn’t fair to you. You can go out with whoever you want, it’s not my business.”

“Steve-” Bucky attempted, but was cut off.

“Just ‘cause I don’t have a good time going out with girls, doesn’t mean you can’t. It’s just different having you go out with other people all the time when we’ve always done everything together, but we’re older now and it makes sense.” He felt like he was rambling now and if he kept going he might say more than he meant to. “I guess I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Bucky shrugged off Steve’s worry. “Hey bud, don’t worry about it. You’ll find the right girl to go dancing with some time.” He collapsed onto his back on Steve’s small bed.

Steve sighed and went back to his drawing. “I’m not really looking for a girl right now, Buck.”  
The two boys sat in companionable silence for a few moments, listening to the record still spinning in the other room. 

“Hey Steve?” Bucky said finally. Steve answered with a ‘hmm’, not even looking up from his drawing.

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

Steve turned to look at Bucky. “Why do you wanna know?” Steve quipped.

Bucky smiled. “Well, we tell each other pretty much everything, so if you had I should know about it right? Maybe you’d feel better about finding yourself a dame if you knew how to kiss them.”

Steve rolled his eyes and went back to his work. “Nice fellas don’t kiss and tell, Buck.”

Laughing Bucky retorted, “Yeah, but I know you and you really ain’t that nice,” which led Steve to chuck a balled-up scrap of paper at his friend’s head. 

“Frances Roberts. I was 6. She lived in the next building. Said she was my girlfriend for a while. We were pretty good friends, but her father lost his job, so they moved and I never heard from her.”

Bucky seemed to accept his answer and sat quietly for a moment. Against his better judgement he asked, “You ever kissed a boy?”

Steve turned to spare a glance at Bucky, who was staring up at the ceiling now. Steve coolly responded, “Yeah, you, dummy.”

“I don’t mean like when we were kids.” Now Bucky had sat up and was looking back at Steve, who turned back to his work.

Voice wavering slightly, he responded, “Nice guys don’t kiss and tell.” He could feel Bucky’s eyes burning a hole in the side of his head. 

Bucky swallowed thickly, the room suddenly felt warmer and he could feel his heart constricting. He couldn’t be mad about Steve kissing other boys if he had no intention of telling him how he felt. “Who?” Bucky pressed.

Steve put down his pencil and sighed nervously before turning to face his friend. “Nicky Thompson.”

Bucky’s brows knitted together as he thought on the name. “From your art class?”  
“Yeah,” Steve answered softly. “There were a few times after school we hung out before class started. When you had practice and couldn’t stay with me. We talked some and I don’t know, I guess one thing led to another. He stopped taking classes, so I don’t even really see him anymore.” Steve watched as Bucky stared across the room silently, avoiding Steve’s gaze.

He stood from his chair and began pleading, “Please don’t be mad at me, Buck. I can’t lose you, you’re my best friend. I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to know. Please, please, don’t be upset.” Before he could continue Bucky had quickly stood and grabbed Steve’s face with both hands and pulled him into a crushing kiss. Once Steve began kissing him back, Bucky relaxed, letting his fingers drift into Steve’s golden hair.

Eventually Bucky pulled back. Breathless, he told him, “I just, uh. Wanted to see what it was like.” His eyes searched Steve’s face for a negative response. 

“Okay,” Steve responded. He hadn’t expected things to go quite this way. 

Still cradling Steve’s head between his hands, Bucky asked, “So, better or worse than Nicky Thompson?”

A small smile spread across Steve’s face. “Oh, better. Definitely better. No offense to Nicky of course. But he probably didn’t have the experience that you’ve had, what with all the dames you take dancing.”

Bucky groaned. “Okay, no more talking of Nicky Thompson or dames,” He replied before going in for another kiss.


End file.
